The beauty of searching within lives in that you keep finding new answers
There are those moments when pressing the “refresh button” means to go inside, yet again, to find the answers for you.
THE POSSIBILITY IS ALWAYS THERE… WE JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT
Life is a gift given to us, to make something with it. But what we make of it and make with it depends on who we make of ourselves. I can see us as the artist and the Masterpiece at the same time. Our lives are the outer manifestation of the Masterpiece that we have become. The same way a sculptor conceives that Masterpiece as an inner vision and creation, like a hologram on a piece of marble- and then chips away the pieces that do not belong in it, we create inside that life that only then is manifested in a visible way. It is by the Soul-Searching process we can add colors, textures, start over, paint over and continue to create, recreate, edit, re-signify and choose an ever yet new ending to the masterpiece that we are.
Are you ready to embark on this journey?
If we are ready to listen, if we are aware and connected to the pulsation of life within, to our soul urges and questions, we will know when and we will know why. We will also know when those urges and questions are answered so we can rest…. for a while.
2021: A NEW CHAPTER IS OPEN
We closed 2020 with tired spirits, desiring a brighter 2021 filled with new beginnings! And we ask and we are given! When I thought I was over the hurdle, life showed to me there was more for me to overcome, more for me to search within to find new answers for the additional questions arising.
We can always take care of things practically, just doing what needs to be done. That is indeed quite effective. But there is another way, the way of self-inquiry and Soul Searching, that might not be as efficient, but more effective in connecting the inner and outer worlds in a meaningful rhythm where the external actions that become the practical solutions to the questions, also become the answers that our Souls need to hear. The artist feels satisfied, and the Masterpiece is in progress.
At the end of January 2021, I went back home to Argentina to visit. 2020 had kept me from visiting for the first time in 32 years. I was ready for that break and then, at my return, I would really kick start the year by finishing and launching my online course. About 10 days before my return to the US, I heard that the condo I was renting got water damage from the Texas winter storm and I could not go back to live there. And not even after repairs, since the condo would be put up for sale. So, a hectic time for arrangements started: filing a claim for insurance, finding a hotel to live, putting my stuff in storage, changing my mailing address…. and then what? Now my life was up in the air… again, after it was just landing on safe ground after my divorce and covid. I knew that something else was going to reveal itself and something new would come up for me if I dared pause amidst the craziness and observe my inner process as I was taking care of the practical aspects of the situation.
I started asking myself some questions as I observed and perceived the inner reactions and responses to those questions. What is this present situation with “no home” causing inside me? What is still left for me to let go? What am I still attached to, that is preventing me from going for newer opportunities and possibilities? What is it I am to learn here? I started considering moving to another Texas city where my children lived, and simultaneously I felt a strong gravitation to staying where I had lived for 17 years. I knew then that, regardless of what my final decision would be, there was something deeper that I had to unveil to decide from a place of awareness and consciousness rather than from a place of convenience, efficacy, efficiency, and practicality.
I realized the overly attached me was holding on to the familiar, that being my home for 17 years, and all the life experiences, to where my married life had roots for quite some time. I realized it was the last piece that was tying me to my “old life” and yet the circumstances were freeing me to choose again, knowing that I could decide to stay, but it had to be for reasons not related to the fear letting go of the known, and safe.
Who was I looking to be today? Who was that new possible me that wanted to explore other opportunities? Who was the other me that had enough of change for the time being? What were the answers that would allow a newer part of me to develop, to experience different aspects of myself, how was that letting go I knew I had to make happen, what did it look like? I prayed for answers; I searched for the peace that a decision would bring. I was feeling stuck. The indecision had suffocated me.
And one day, like a breeze of fresh air, I sensed that home was within. I realized that home was not really connected with a physical place and city, not even with the memories. I realized that home was that still, joyful, trusting place where the Self, my Spirit, my inner source of strength, passion and will live, and that I could carry it with me always. I then felt a tremendous sense of inner freedom and power. A decision would never compromise my life in any radical way. I could decide, experiment, change my mind again and again, and not a particle of me would be at stake. And I moved to join my children, to open a new chapter in a different place, to expand my experience of life, to embrace new things.
And my inner artist was at work again, changing a few colors in that never finished canvas, making a new expression of that soulful Masterpiece that wanted to continue to manifest as the original version of itself. Oh, and before moving out of the hotel where I lived for 42 days, I got to finish the 8-hr. recording of my online course. I also had to let go of the way I had thought it would be done, from home, with a nicely created background and of the day when natural light was best… All the lessons were recorded with the same brown drapes in the background.
It will always be the reminder for me that when there is a will, there is a way.