Is There Life After Divorce Over 40?

What to expect after divorce highly depends on how you were able to define and build your own identity while you were married or how willing you are to build it after divorce.

Divorce is considered one of the most critical life circumstances and experiences a person can go through. It can really turn a woman’s life upside down, but also inside out, bringing out what has been hidden.

AND NOW…WHAT?

You have been married for 5, 10, 15….30 years, and it is now time to say goodbye to your partner.  It is also time to say goodbye to your married life and everything it entails, and this might be even harder than saying goodbye to the person you spent all those years with.

Of course, the circumstances under which you decide to get a divorce can vary enormously, and they play a huge role.  Oftentimes, the divorce is the result of falling out of love or other difficult circumstances that make the process even harder since the emotions associated with it had a heavy load to it.

In some cases, you may be eager to get out as quickly as possible and never look back. Other times, though, you may have become so attached to the life you used to have while married, the family gatherings, the outings with friends, the routines, and the familiarity of it all, that saying goodbye to your life as it was can be very hard. 

The new beginning can be exciting and yet, as all new beginnings, it takes quite a bit of energy, determination, and most importantly, a positive and strong mind to start a fulfilling new chapter. 

It takes some effort to continue to look ahead to all that the future may bring, and resist falling back to the past and what you may miss from it. Falling back can play a trick making you believe that you made a mistake in leaving.  The known and unwanted may at times seem better than the scary unknown.

THE “I” YOU WERE

How would you describe yourself at the end of the relationship?  Who have you been?  

Have you remained YOU?   Are there parts of who you know you are that have remained hidden?  Did you have to change in order to continue to fit in that relationship?  Do you still remember who you used to be?  Have you become a stranger to the person you used to be?

Creating a fulfilling life after divorce will depend on who you can be and become after the goodbye. The more you have “mutated” during those years -and I mean the more you have distanced yourself from that YOU- the more work that will need to be done to get to the place where you know the future is yours.

And I used the word CREATING your life after divorce, not expecting, not hoping for, not being entitled to, not praying to God for.

You will be the artist and creator of your new life.  You have a chance every day to do so. 

The sooner you stop feeling a victim and realize that you are response-able to create anew, the easier it will be to start your new project:  designing the life you want.

Feeling like a victim will throw you back to the past.  Feeling response-able will propel you to the future you can create for yourself.

You can choose how to respond (response-able) to whatever life brings and to create what you want to have in your life, and what you don’t.

So, you must identify those behaviors, and pieces of your identity that you put into place to fit in, to adjust, to continue to belong, that are not YOU.

THE “I” YOU WANT TO BE AND BECOME

Who am I now? Who do I want to become?

It is now time to put your shoes back on if you haven’t for a while.  Check in on how those shoes feel, where they hurt, where they are tight, can you still put them on?

It is time to look at yourself in the mirror and start recognizing, start re-discovering, or maybe start seeing for the first time the YOU that you have been neglecting or putting “on pause” for quite a while.

Who are you without your partner? What is left of you without your partner? Who are you and who do you want to become?

It is time to reconnect with that GENUINE YOU.

It may not be easy; it takes courage to face the unknown. It may feel like you are learning to walk all over again, this time on your own.

What lies ahead on the other side of the bridge of fear is simply LIFE.  Fresh, new life.

What would be the cost of not crossing that bridge?

It is time to start dreaming again.  It is time to feel your dream come true.  In your mind, in your emotions, in your bones.  

Feel that you are being that YOU right now, in every particle of your being.  Check in on how that feels.  Perceive your expression changing and your heart beating.

Come to terms with what you want, with what brings joy to your life.  Define what makes you sing and vibrate high, what purpose you want to serve in your life, how you want to use your present skills.  Are there new skills you need to learn?

It is a step-by-step process.  Enjoy it.  Celebrate each step forward, be compassionate with each step back.  Celebrate each new aspect of who you are.  You are really creating a new relationship with yourself and a new relationship with life.  Each and every day is a new opportunity, a new possibility.

Never think it is too late for a drastic change in your life.  Never say it is too late for divorce.  Never over-adjust for fear.  There is always time. 

You may feel adrift for a while and that is ok.  There will be an adjustment period, of course.

You will be YOU again, by taking small, simple actions that bring that YOU to life again.

You will become who you want to be, by stretching out of that comfort zone and taking small steps in the form of small actions.  Actions that you may have never taken before.  

The time is now to act, with courage despite the fear you may feel.  Courage exists because fear does too.

Feel the fire within, smile and cheer the new YOU, embrace it and take the leap.  You will reach your destination one step at a time.

That one simple and small action will make you become that YOU – one action at a time.

Your DOING will create your BEING.  

Your power will manifest through your actions.  No matter how small.

Becoming takes practice.  

To create what you haven’t created, you have to do what you have never done.

Is there life after divorce over 40?

There is always life.  Life is this pervasive miracle that surrounds you and me, whether we are aware of it or not, whether we want to say yes to it or not.

Say YES to YOU, say YES to LIFE.

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Maria Wilson
Bio: ICF (International Coach Federation) Certified Coach Associate Certified Pranic Healer. Passionate about human relationships- starting with oneself – as a key element in our quest for a meaningful and happy life.
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