Intimacy in your 50’s
Do you have better sex in your 50’s?
Today’s woman is embracing age, beauty, and sexuality. Women in their 50s have cornered the market with age influencers, body positivity, and surrendering to a whole new ideal of intimacy as we age. They are glowing, celebrating a new decade with a sense of freedom from letting go of self-limiting beliefs and expectations.
We place value on the generational women in our lives; yet as they have shared in their wisdom and strength, they also may have handed down their personal baggage when it comes to sex and intimacy as we age. I personally can recall behaviors from the matriarchal women in my life that made it seem like sex died over time. The courtship, spontaneity, and intimate moments were never spoken about or caught out of the corner of my eye growing up. My only real experience of women embracing their sexuality in their 50s was from “Blanche” on “The Golden Girls.” She was my trailblazer – speaking so freely about her sexcapades, a truly unspoken thing back then.
So why the sudden shift over the past few years?
My two cents on the shift, and no hate mail, please. I am far from a man-hater; I am simply seeing an evolved society that is attempting to be inclusive – we just all need to get on the same page!
We are embracing a new era of women over the past decade or so. Spiritually and physically, we are ascending and opening up to a feminine that is pulling away from the misogynistic world that dictated to generations of ladies how to cultivate a life from the males’ expectations. We are becoming wholeheartedly ourselves, flaws and all, and living the best lives we possibly can. I think we are entering a co-collective world where men and women can pull away from the handed-down expectations and roles we were given and embrace the new feminine and evolved male.
Enough of my soapbox; let’s dish on the real goods – SEX!
Intimacy changes as we age
So, based on my research – i.e. googling the topic – statistically, women are claiming that intimacy does change as we age, but not necessarily in a bad way. As you know, intimacy is far more than sex; it’s the art of cultivating joy and romance in your relationship. Tender touches, kissing, back rubs are all expressions of intimacy. Furthermore, we must trust and surrender to our partner for the utmost form of intimacy. If we have any sort of barrier up, intimacy becomes a challenge. To sum this up, as we grow together as a couple, sex may not be as frequent – but the intimate part of the relationship has grown substantially, creating a stronger bond between one another.
Menopause, vaginas, and sex
Yes, I am going there. We need to feel comfortable speaking about menopause and our vaginas. Vaginal atrophy and dryness affect a lot of us gals and can be one of the biggest hurdles that prevent us from being intimate with our partners. Ladies, listen up: There are prescription creams, laser treatments, and good old-fashioned lubrication to get things nice and slippery! Consistency with sex is key to keeping a healthfully aging vagina, so do whatever you need to keep the flame going in the bedroom to avoid any further issues. My gynecologist recommended my husband be at my beck and call after my first Mona Lisa Touch treatment.
Empty nest and spontaneity
Rumor has it Mom and Dad are getting frisky on the sofa, now that the house is empty. Having an empty nest doesn’t necessarily mean loneliness. Take advantage of your space and get playful with sex. Romance while cooking – or, as your parents would say, “necking” on the sofa – can be fun and exciting. In fact, you can even dig down and unleash your dirty side and get into a little role-playing per your partner’s comfort zone. Why not, right?
Body image as we age
More and more women I coach are really embracing who they are. The midlife woman doesn’t seem to necessarily be concerned with body image like they were in their youth. I love and admire this trend so much for a few reasons. Not only are we continually breaking the stereotype and expectations for us, but we also are allowing ourselves to be authentic, which circles back to the sense of freedom from letting go of those self-limiting beliefs.
Confidence and celebration
Let’s wrap this baby up: Women are aging with a sense of confidence that I don’t know if my mother’s or grandmother’s generation had. I can’t speak for them or a generation, but I am wondering if we are more confident as we age, is it because we are no longer allowing ourselves to fit in a box per se? Are voices being heard, are we breaking stereotypes and doing daring things that maybe generational women would have feared? We are raising our hearts and hands, celebrating a new sense of womanhood that is inclusive – and this I love and admire.