dumping toxic relationships

dumping toxic relationships

We’ve all been there before. A toxic relationship may be compared to being in a deep, dark hole.

You keep trying to climb out of it, only to be buried by more dirt. Your self-esteem and confidence are stripped away, and your insecurities and self-doubt creep in. At this point, you seem to be sitting in misery and sadness. You wonder why you are remaining in this toxic, unfulfilling relationship. You more or less have lost your identity – that happy, bubbly person you once knew is no longer the same person standing in front of the mirror. I know the feeling because I have experienced it myself.

My Story

 It started as a fairy tale. If we’re honest here, it was a modern-day fairy tale. We had met on Tinder, a dating app. I was new to town. I can easily get bored with the same repetitive lifestyle, and I was eager for change. I relocated to the seacoast to find my own way and perhaps build something a little fresher and more exciting. After starting a new job, I thought I’d make friends in no time, especially since my roommate was my age. But my roommate was never around, and I often felt lonely. I guess when you’re older, it becomes a little more challenging to build relationships. Most people already have their circle of friends or are tied to their daily routines. This led me to hop onto a dating app because if I could meet a guy, I could also grow a social circle and start fitting in better.  It wasn’t too long after trying out this online dating when  I began talking to a man. He was unbelievably charming, scrumptiously good looking, and seemed like he had all his ducks in a row. One night when I was out with a coworker, I invited him out for drinks. Almost instantly, there was a crazy physical attraction. It wasn’t long before he grasped my arms, showing me “how to aim the ball” while playing the pool properly. We were very touchy-feely. After a few dates and hangouts, it was safe to say that I was smitten as a kitten. He was feeding me all these amazing lines, and at the time, I felt they were sincere. “I’m looking for a wife; I’m looking to settle down and get married. I’m looking for my soulmate.” I ate it all up like ice cream. After about a month, we became exclusive, and he continued sweeping me off my feet. Little did I know that red flags were going to be popping up left and right.

“I’m looking for a wife, I’m looking to settle down and get married, I’m looking for my soulmate.”

Red flag #1: Soon after we became official, he came to my hometown for the first time. We had planned on meeting up with a bunch of friends, and I was excited to introduce him to my crew. However, he ended up flirting with my best friend (at the time) as they exchanged their obsession with dogs. An hour later, right in front of me at the dinner table in a dim restaurant, I noticed them both with their phones out; it turns out they were exchanging Facebook/social media info. Red Flag #2: After calling him out on his flirty behavior, we almost ended it right there; however, I decided to give him another chance. Then I realized that his behavior was different when he went to visit his hometown across the country. It was almost like he went MIA. Eventually, I saw the patterns in how he would lie about his work contracts, which “required” him to go back and forth.

Red Flag #3: I decided he was acting too sketchy.  I was about to pull the plug on the relationship, but part of me had a hard time getting the guts to do so because I loved him so much. So, I put up with his constant deceptions. BUT THEN THE ULTIMATE DECEPTION OCCURRED. On one of his trips down south, “to work,” I had a suspicious feeling that something was happening. I hopped on Facebook to see a newborn baby as his profile picture…

New born baby on his profile pic- WHAAAAT!!

Long story short: the man who had swept me off my feet was the ultimate liar. He was deceptive, manipulative, and always had some sort of excuse for his bad behavior. After dating for three months, he somehow had forgotten to mention that he had a child in another state. He hid his job details from me, he flirted with my friends, and NOW he had a baby that I had never known about? But like many other women out there, for some crazy reason, I stayed and endured the pain and deception. I had made a poor decision when we moved in together. I continued to give him more chances and opportunities to rip my heart out. He was the very definition of sneaky –  taking his phone into the bathroom to text girls, hiding his phone in the apartment, etc.  It was a nonstop deception on his end. Eventually, I caught him on dating sites; he was trying to get with other women. Eventually, I left. The relationship was beyond toxic. I was a poor girl desperately in love with a man who had zero respect, interest, or genuine love for me. It became so toxic that I craved love and affection, and even though he was the one making constant mistakes, he was the one who withheld love and affection from me, which just put me into a deeper depression. Looking back on it, I’m glad I experienced a toxic relationship. It may have been one of the lowest points in my life, but it made me stronger and wiser, and I know the signs and deal-breakers now, so I’m not going to be sucked into a relationship or waste my time on a bad one. 

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