Can we start over after 40?
Here are my five pillars for a successful restart in life!
Ok, so it’s inevitable that we know someone who is having to start over after a breakup, divorce, bankruptcy, etc. Whatever your reason is for restarting, it can be done successfully. Something I have used for my clients and personally through my own journey is the five pillars for a successful restart. Yes, ladies, I personally have used these and coach my clients using these same tools, to move forward without turning our heads back!
As you all know, I am a transformational coach for women in midlife. I absolutely love what I do for many reasons; however, my deepest reason is the experience. My own journey, as difficult as it was, led me to this path of helping others. When I made the decision to walk away, I took a sofa, a TV, and some clothes; everything else was donated to us. I knew at that very moment if I turned back, I would never come back out alive. Harsh, I know. Not all of us are in this type of relationship, but we all share similar emotional ties to that former partner and life, so discovering some tools to help ease your healing journey is key for a successful restart!
The five pillars I used as a base to rebuild life for myself and my son seemed basic survival skills at the time. However, once I began mentoring and coaching women, I realized they do not all know how to tap into some of the basic principles of moving forward and letting go–and growing abundantly, which is the key!
Here are the Five Pillars to a successful restart!
I know it sounds like a game or business deal, but at the end of the day, marriage is a financial agreement. Knowing what your joint finances are, debt, income, investments, mortgage, etc., is key for preparing yourself for the next step. Will you be able to keep your home? Is renting over buying more appropriate for the transitional time? Are you going to need more income? What could you anticipate in terms of maintenance/child support? All of this will dictate what your expectations as the sole provider will look like. Knowing all of this before you decide to split is ideal; after all, knowledge is power, and right now, you are going to need as much power and knowledge as possible.
Yes, I speak of this often, simply because it plays such a fundamental part of business, life, and success. When we leverage our life, we are ultimately looking at everything through a microscope. We have to. Snap reactions can blow up like throwing kerosene on a fire. You will need to really consider every opportunity in and out, up and down. Questions to ponder: Will this help you grow, financially, personally, even spiritually? The smallest oops can become a landslide. One more thing to consider when we are in deep is sacrifice. Yes–will this sacrifice now benefit you long term?
- Sweat Equity
Oh baby, yes–I am talking about good old-fashioned hard work. Listen, regardless of what you are working towards, there is no harm nor foul in hard work! For some of my clients, this looks like a second job to create additional income to buy a home or invest in retirement. For myself, it was building my coaching/reiki practice on my days off. The smallest physical investment into rebuilding a better life will pay off long term. If you are one of the “lucky” ones–and I use that term loosely–it may feel like great security knowing your ex-partner is still taking care of you financially. However, shit happens. Markets take a dive, unexpected medical expenses crop up, etc. Whatever assets you have, that’s super. However, I still recommend investing and saving it for the golden years and getting yourself a job! Sweat equity in life is character building and shapes our integrity. Sweat equity might even cause your foundation and principles to shift a bit, perhaps to your surprise. You may even make some new long-term relationships and gal pals that you wouldn’t have had in your life otherwise.
When we work on rebuilding ourselves, we need to go within and get creative. This is my jam! I love creative exercises with my clients. What life do you want to have? Money, love, friendships, spirituality, health and wellness? All of this is factored into the planning portion. We must always consider what the end result is and work backwards. This is where a coach, therapist, and/or mentor can help tremendously. We guide our clients, helping them build from the foundation up every step of the way.
Pretty basic, right? Like I stated earlier, these skills I tapped into at the very beginning felt like survival tactics. However, once I began to devour one self-help book and leadership course after another, I began to recognize: “Hey, maybe I am on to something!”
Oh–and the last pillar–that’s a secret privy only to my clients. 😉 I am sure you can figure that one out. Cheers to restarting, girl; you got this one!