Becoming more spiritual

Becoming More Spiritual

As I delved into the word of spirituality, I would hear people talk about amazing and life altering awakenings. People would tell their near death experiences, being electrocuted, or waking up in the middle of the night to find an angel at the food of their bed, giving them messages.

I wondered when I would have mine and what it would be like. When and where would I find my burning bush? I longed to have a vision or life event that would turn my world around and indicate that I was on the right path. I took classes. I meditated. I did all the things I was “supposed” to do, and still nothing. No big vision. No booming voice. No lightning. No burning bush. So I took more classes, focused on being positive, and worked on becoming what I thought was more spiritual.

Then one October day, my mom called to inform me that her mom had passed away in her sleep the night before. Her health had been declining, so it wasn’t a surprise, but it was still the kind of call that makes your heart drop.  I joined my mom at Grandma’s house. It was just the two of us, or so we thought. I felt a coolness come over my right leg and hand. My brain jumped into left brain mode, trying to reason it away.

“There must be a breeze coming from the door. But the door is shut.” Another thought came in. “It has to be from the door. There is no other explanation.” my left brain argued. “Yes, there is. You know there is.” This second thought nudged me gently. Around and around went this argument inside my head until Mom broke the loop, “My mom is here!” she exclaimed. My left brain finally quieted in defeat. “She is sitting right here.” I patted the couch cushion between us. “She has her hand on my right hand.” My mom had so many questions for her mom, but I didn’t know or have the confidence to answer them. When she started asking questions about who Grandma was with, we made our way to Grandma’s bedroom and found pictures of years pass. Finally, exhausted from the day, I excused myself and went to bed. 

The next day I found myself in Grandma’s room, cleaning. I heard words in my head instructing me to give something to this or that aunt. I heard stories about this picture and that knickknack – stories I could not possibly know. All the while, my left brain was screaming that we were just making it all up, and that it was crazy. But there was this knowing throughout my body that it had to be Grandma. 

Finally, my left brain yelled, “This is crazy. There is no possible way it is her!”  I felt a surge of aggravation come from outside of me and heard the very firm words, “Go to that drawer and open it!”  I did. Don’t ask me how I knew which drawer. I just did. “Take out that box!” There was a large white box in the middle of the drawer. I took it out and placed it on top of the dresser. “Open it.” I heard this gently. Tears streamed down my face, as I lifted the lid and revealed what was in the box. It was a box of buttons. The last conversation my Grandma and I had had was about how much we both loved buttons. 

The “knowing” at last quieted as my left brain voice washed over me. I surrendered into the feeling and the knowing. Then it hit me, those “thoughts” – the words inside my head – are not always just thoughts. It was a spirit talking to me.  

My “big” awakening had been the box of buttons – something so simple and so quiet that did not fit into my expectations of an awakening at all. Looking back, I had had many such moments throughout my life. Some of them bigger and louder, some of them smaller and even quieter.  

So, if you are waiting for the heavens to open up and for the voice of God to talk to you as your awakening, it’s time to rethink your expectations, as you are possibly missing the small, quiet awakening moments.

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Angie Loren
Angie Loren is an intuitive healer, medium, Reiki master teacher, and shamon practitioner. She is a co-creator of A Center for Transformative Growth in Highland, Indiana. Her soul’s purpose is to help guide others with their healing on all levels of their multidimensional selves, from akashic record cleansing and past life healing to angel card readings, energy healing, and soul retrievals. She has a BA in elementary education, an MS in psychology, and a doctorate in Spiritual Development. To learn more about Angie and her upcoming events, follow her on Facebook @ Butterflies And Light or visit butterfliesandlight.com.
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