10 steps to help your child at any age to cope with a divorce
Are you children struggling with your divorce?
Regardless of age divorce is hard on everyone in the family. How we communicate and stay connected to our children during this transition is most important to help them understand, and cope.
Divorce is difficult for everyone. If you are 32 years old or a mere 2, or you are the product of that happy union, divorce is not something that you expect or plan for. And still, a lot of couples get divorced every year in the United States. Divorce can really be wrenching when your kids are involved, but there are many things that you can do to help children cope with it. If you are a parent with a divorce, remember that the child needs you now more than ever. Giving them reassurance, and a sense of stability can ease the effects of divorce on children. And if you have kids, then their health is one of your key concerns. Below are 10 steps to help your child to cope with a divorce.
1. Encourage them to communicate
When you express yourself and share your feelings alleviates the pain and stress that is caused by difficult situations. Encourage the kids to communicate. Encourage them also to tell how they feel about the divorce and let out their frustrations. When they express themselves, then it will help them ease their frustrations and also provide them with a sense of empowerment. Listen and help them to find words for their feelings and accept them. Give them therapy sessions if there is a need for them.
2. Reassure the kids that they are loved
Watching their parents go through the divorce can brew all negative thoughts in the mind of kids that could have devastating results in the long run. The changes that divorce can produce put the children in circumstances where they blame themselves for what is happening around them.
3. Tell the children about why you are separating
By keeping the kids in the dark or not telling the truth about the divorce, then you do not just save them any trouble, instead, you make the bad situation worse. If you are building on the basis of lies, when it gets high it comes down crashing on you. Be honest and tell the kids that why you are divorcing, but you must remember to be age-aware. Do not let your kids know about the divorce or give them the idea that they are the reason for the divorce. Tell them often that it is not their fault that the family is getting split. Help them know the truth without sugarcoating the situation.
4. Do not fight in front of your kids
Heated conversations and arguments about finance or others can take place under these circumstances where getting along with the spouse looks almost impossible. But for your child, do not fight in front of the kids or make them tools to exchange insults or anything related to divorce. Do not bring kids into your fight.
5. Do not sugarcoat the situation.
If you make excuses, then it can cut off the child’s chance to express themselves. If a parent cancels due to a bad cold, however, went to work the same day with the same cold, then it’s important, the child feels free to express his feelings. Let your child express himself without criticizing or apologizing to the absent parent.
6. Get others involved.
You should try to include other reliable adults in the life of your child. Not only are devoted family and friends role models the child can rely on, but their commitment also removes the pressure from you.
7. Provide support
You should ask What will help you feel better? They cannot name something, but you can suggest some ideas, possibly just to sit together, take a walk, or hold a favorite animal. The younger kids will appreciate an offer, especially to call father on the phone or get a picture for giving it to mommy when she will get back at the day end.
8. Stick to their routine
Divorce brings various changes in routine that kids find perplexing and stressful. Try to reduce changes for them. Adhere to their daily routine and normal activities as much as possible. Adjust to changes at once can be hard for anybody, particularly children. It can put children under pressure, and as a result, worried thoughts set off. While they should learn to be flexible to changes slowly, as a parent, you should decrease disruptions to things they love doing and make them feel, life is yet normal.
9. Keep yourself healthy
For adults, divorce is very stressful. That pressure is increased by property matters and other financial issues that can bring the worst in people. Discovering ways to cope with your stress is crucial for you and your family. Keeping yourself as emotionally and physically healthy as possible can tackle the effects of stress. By ensuring that you are taking care of your needs, you can make sure that you will be in the best possible shape to care for the kids.
10. Get help
The time of divorce is not to go it alone. Find a support group, talk to people who have gone through this, use online resources, or ask the doctor or religious leaders to refer you to other resources. If you get help, it will set a better example for the kids about how they can make a healthy adjustment to this change.
Help from a counselor or friend can also maintain healthy boundaries with the kids. It’s important not to lean on the kids for support. Older kids and those who are keen to please can try to make you feel good by giving a shoulder to cry on. No matter how appealing that is, it is better not to let them be the supporter of your emotional states. You should permit the kids to know about how affected you are by their caring and kind act but do your venting to a friend or doctor.